After running around this morning (weight watchers, breakfast, produce shopping, picking up new tags for the car) I find myself debating taking a nap or tackling the long list of To Do's that are always in my head. Procrastination, I hate it. It is something about myself the drives me nuts and I can't seem to over come it. Would taking a nap mean another wasted day, I know I will feel that way if I do take a nap. Today is nice day out, so I should get out there, enjoy the sunshine and feel good about getting something done. But then a nap sure would feel good now..............need to change subjects.
So I go to Weight Watchers. At first I thought, damn I'm a guy and that is woman thing to do..... Wrong, I need help changing my life style, how I eat and I do I like to eat things (note to Better Half - get your mind out of the gutter), not into cookies and cake, but give me a big steak, great pasta with creamy sauce, a good hot bowl of chili.....that kinda of good stuff and lots of it. I just have to learn to eat less good things. So at WW this morning, feeling like, damn, I don't want to be here, this is too hard, I can do this later, My Better Half said something in the meeting. And she nailed it when she said "it sucks".....loosing weight sucks.....your up, your down, some one looses more, and you try and don't loose as much. It's a great way to beat the shit out of yourself with out throwing a punch. But it is something I need to do, just like all the other To Do's. This is one of harder ones as it will take a long time and this past week I've realized, it will never be done. Which is maybe why I was thinking, why bother or tell yourself you'll do int next year when it will be easier. What I mean is, that even when I get down to where I want to be, I will always have to work at it. "It Sucks". I have lost weight, almost 20 lbs, that is pretty good and I need to think about what I've done, not how much more I need "To Do". The Better Half is also loosing weight with me. I'm glad she is helping me as I couldn't do it by myself. It's the procrastination thing, I can always loose it next year, well next year has been occurring for the last 20 years and I have found that the number just keeps getting bigger, that's not healthy and not good for me and this has an impact on those around me. I use to be so much more active, doing things, getting things done, burning off this restless energy inside of me. Over time, I feel I let myself go, to much time at work, not enough time looking after myself, my marriage, my kids, thinking that I can fix it/work on it next year. Procrastination, do what is easiest......I guess I took a long nap and now I find that I have wasted a lot of my life. Maybe not wasted, but missed out for sure. I missed out on loving my Better Half the way she deserved which in turn, means I've missed out on the love she has in her to give to me. It's hard to re-invigorate and do the things that I should have been doing all along. So I need to look after myself better, still eat the good stuff, but not as much, look after the Better Half better and tell the kids I love them.
Back to the nap, not happening, going to go out side enjoy the sunshine and put up the new track lighting in the den so the Better Half can see what she is doing in there .... or maybe it's better she does that stuff in the dark (wink). Besides she just went shopping so I won't be able to get her to nap with me. Dang it and she is wearing that black bra that makes me want to take her up stairs and eat some good stuff.....I mean.....nap.......
Best to go clean up the yard and put up the track lights.
signed the other half